Side-effects of a minute of happiness
by Misila
Summary: Sometimes, Rin wishes Haruka hadn't kissed him. Sometimes, Rin regrets not pushing him away. But he always, always wonders why it matters so much.


_Free!_ doesn't belong to me. Neither does _High Speed!_

This fic was written for _RinHaruWeek 2016_ , day 7, using the prompt _Popularity_.

* * *

 _ **Side-effects of a minute of happiness**_

.

 _The world watches._

 _They watch as Haruka's fingers hold Rin's chin and the whole universe grows quiet as if they were underwater, as their breaths hitch for a second with the first brush of lips. They watch as Rin leans into the kiss, as his left hand leaves his medal and finds Haruka's waist._

 _They watch as the pair ignore journalists and alarm bells, drunk in euphoria and happiness._

.

Having a glass of iced black coffee at nine in the evening wasn't exactly the healthiest dinner one could have, but Rin was beyond the point of caring.

He had spent the last two days either stuck in airports or stuck in planes; at this point his sleep schedule couldn't get any worse, anyway. He tried to guess what time it was in London at the moment and the gears in his brain screamed, effectively convincing Rin to stop thinking and take a sip from the cold, bitter drink as he reached for the remote and made himself comfortable on the sofa, stretching his legs over where Haruka would usually sit.

Haruka, who hadn't slept a wink since the closing ceremony. He had collapsed on the bed the second they reached the apartment they shared in Tokyo. Had Rin not been so exhausted, he might have heard his light snores from where he sat.

Instead, he willed his thumb to press the button of the remote, pretending to not understand why his hand trembled at the mere idea.

 _It's time for the news_ , he told himself.

 _It'll be alright._

 _There are thousands of things that are more interesting than–_

Rin breathed out a sigh as he dropped the remote on his legs, grabbing the glass with both hands. They shook enough for him to be afraid the coffee would fall on the sofa, so he took a gulp from it, grimaced as the cool liquid settled within his stomach.

He didn't want to. Damn it, he had been avoiding newspapers and strangers wanting to talk to him, hadn't even answered his phone since the relay, because he dreaded the moment he would have to deal with the consequences of what he'd done– what _they_ had done.

Rin leant his forehead on the edge of the glass.

In a movie, instead of jet lag and an atrocious headache, his life now would be the credits, or maybe a flash-forward to a scene of Haruka and him living in the countryside with three children and Mielga's puppies. In an ideal world, the only thing burning Rin's insides would be the freezing coffee, not a crippling fear of having fucked everything up for both him and Haruka in a second of carelessness.

But Rin's life was neither a movie nor set in an ideal world; and the more he postponed the moment, the worse it would be when it finally arrived.

Rin almost laughed as he remembered Haruka's answer to his doubts.

"They only care about medals and times and we have those. The rest is nothing of their business."

A sigh filled the living room before Rin found his resolve and, trying not to give it any more thought, switched the television on.

He snorted at the documentary about jellyfish that stared at him from the screen. _Of course_ he should have expected it; the most popular channels in their home were about sports and nature, and the night before leaving Haruka had been very caught up by a documentary about water bears.

Affection lingering in his smile, Rin absent-mindedly zapped, not sure of what he was looking for. There was nothing interesting, and for a second he thought that maybe Haruka was right. They were just swimmers, anyway. Olympic, gold medallist swimmers, but only athletes; nothing important or overly influential. Probably very few people watched the Olympics anyway–

 _"…_ _surprise two members of our men's medley relay team gave us after their victory. Rin Matsuoka and Haruka Nanase, who swam the butterfly and freestyle leg in the relay, respectively…_ "

The glass slipped from Rin's hand, hit his thigh and fell to the floor, breaking in hundreds of tiny pieces as the coffee spilt over and the two ice cubes rolled far, far from the sofa. His eyes widened when the newswoman disappeared and in her place appeared a different sight, a different angle from a scene he already knew.

It wasn't as if Rin had never seen himself kissing Haruka. Nagisa was inhumanly fast with his phone and was always extremely efficient taking pics when all of them managed to go out together and sending them to both Rin and Haruka. Their friends knew, as well as their families; and even though everyone in the National Team was too busy with their own training, the swimmers were also aware there was something between Rin and Haruka.

But that… That…

In retrospect, he shouldn't feel so surprised. You can't just kiss someone from your same sex during the most popular sport event in the world and expect people not to talk about it. Getting carried away by Haruka's natural indifference towards the world, even though he had tried not to hope for anything, had been a mistake. Every second he kept listening to the voices coming from the television the pain in his chest grew.

 _"…_ _displays of affection between the two of them before, but they both repeatedly avoided answering questions about their love life when asked…"_

Why were they talking about Rin and Haruka that way? Accusingly, analysing every little detail they had recorded in different championships, as if looking for incriminating evidence. _When had it started? Why hadn't they realised until it exploded in their faces? How had they missed something that seemed so obvious now that it might as well have been written on the athletes' foreheads?_

"Rin?"

Rin tore his gaze off the television at the sound of Haruka's voice, turned his head to the entrance. He looked nearly as tired as when they had arrived, but there was also a glint of worry in his eyes as he stepped into the living room.

"Don't," Rin warned, voice empty. "There are pieces of glass all over the floor." He swallowed down. "And coffee."

But Haruka wasn't looking at him. Rin guessed he was staring at the television when his mouth opened in a tiny _o_ , but he didn't dare confirm it.

"I heard a noise and I supposed something broke. Are you hurt anywhere?"

Rin's voice dried up when he realised Haruka was probably not talking about physical pain. He couldn't tell anyway. His whole body felt empty and there were too many things he didn't understand just yet.

 _What have we done?_

"I don't know." Rin bit on his trembling lip. "Why are they doing that? Aren't medals and times enough?"

Haruka looked at him, expression undecipherable at Rin's pleading tone. Rin knew throwing Haruka's attempts at comforting him to his face was dangerously akin to a low blow, but he didn't have it in him to care about it at the moment.

"Why do you mind?" Haruka finally replied. "All they do is talking."

It wasn't as if Rin had expected a whole reassuring speech. It was Haruka, after all.

But he _should_ understand. He should know Rin wasn't like him, he should realise that no matter how indifferent he was to the situation that kiss had been a huge mistake, that there would be consequences the both of them would have to face, that the rest of the world wasn't as single-minded as he was.

Rin pursed his lips, anger scrunching his eyebrows together as he raised from the sofa, carefully to not step on the glass.

"Don't you understand what we did there? _Everyone_ saw us, Haru."

"So?"

Rin shook his head, realising nothing he said would knock some sense in Haruka's head. Nearly nothing outside the water was ever powerful enough for him to put some effort into understanding it; and Rin might have accepted it long ago, but in that moment he was too tired, too afraid to look for the patience he knew he had somewhere.

"I'm going to take a shower," he announced instead.

.

 _Light._

 _Music._

 _People. So many people. Clapping. Cheering. Out of focus in the background, as well as the colourful flags on the stands. Looking at him– at them, screaming so loudly he can't even hear the anthem playing above them. He doesn't mind. His left hand is still grabbing the medal so tightly his fingers feel numb._

 _It's real._

.

Rin awoke late the following morning.

He had fallen asleep after midnight, and when he got up he found himself alone in the apartment, with a note that read _food_ pinned to the fridge by a dolphin shaped magnet. Rin sighed and drank a glass of water, his headache not gone but at least bearable as he walked over to the sofa and switched the television on. A pang of guilt made his heart throb when he noticed Haruka had gotten rid of the broken glass and the coffee, even though the trace of a dark stain remained on the floor as a reminder.

He quickly changed channels, trying to ignore that at least three of them were talking about the show at the Olympics, until he found a documentary about giant prehistoric scorpions. Rin wasn't overly fond of arthropods, but he reasoned extinct animals were better than a bunch of people with no life gossiping about his and Haruka's own.

He didn't feel any better than last night. Maybe less shocked, but it mattered little when fear constantly squeezed his stomach, when waiting for the moment everything went to hell was all he could do. He absent-mindedly reached down, but Mielga wasn't there– Rin should go pick her up. He missed her.

With something akin to a plan in mind, he walked to the bedroom, got dressed, went to the bathroom, brushed his hair and scribbled a note for Haruka before getting to the door and putting his shoes on. He stopped in his tracks, though, when he noticed they had mail. A single letter, calling him from the letterbox.

Rin didn't know why he walked back inside the apartment when he grabbed the letter. Probably because he didn't want intruders. Probably because he was really intrigued; in any way, he kicked his shoes off as he closed the door behind him again and made his way to the sofa.

It was addressed to him, not Haruka, and it had the logo of one of his sponsors. Rin's stomach lurched with something undeniably bad as he opened the envelope and took the letter out:

 _Dear Mr. Matsuoka:_

 _We have heard about your recent success at the Olympic Games, which we want to congratulate you for. The medals you won are the results of years of training and effort, some of which our company has witnessed. It is without a doubt something you've worked hard to deserve._

 _However, after a meeting with the committee, we have reached the conclusion that we no longer desire to work with you. Your image is not quite what our company is looking for at the moment. We deeply apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you, but we are sure you will understand the situation the recent events have put us in._

Rin didn't keep reading. He didn't need the rest to understand.

At least he wouldn't have to wait anymore to see the consequences of his acts.

.

 _The little finger linked with Rin's tightens, and he turns to his right and even Haruka looks blurry even though he's right by his side, the blue in his eyes diluted under all this light. His smile is too clear to miss it, though, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards; it's not until his free hand reaches for Rin's cheek that he understands why the world is so out of focus._

 _His hair is still wet. Of course; there's water running down his face._

 _Rin blinks at the fingers brushing just under his eyes, sight momentarily clear, and sees two twin trails making way for the tears down Haruka's cheeks._

 _And through the adrenaline, the numbing victory and the world watching them, Rin worries._

.

Haruka came back from doing the shopping with Makoto and Mielga. The latter explained they had met when he was walking the dog out.

Rin managed to nod, still sitting on the sofa, with the letter shoved back in the envelope laying on the low table. Not even the warm weight of the dog on his lap made him stop glaring at it; Mielga took it as her cue to lick his face until Rin got tired and pushed her off him. The dog barked once, offended, and trotted to where Haruka was making tea as Makoto sat on the other sofa.

"Hi," he greeted, smiling. Rin felt back for not smiling back. "I saw you. The relay was awesome."

Rin didn't want to think about what Haruka had told Makoto as they walked to the apartment, but an unpleasant feeling clung to his heart at the idea of his friend implying something about any non-swimming related activities Rin and Haruka were famous for now.

And then he felt bad again. He knew Makoto didn't have an ounce of malice in his body.

"The relay," he repeated, though, unable to keep the bitterness to himself.

"And your butterfly race too! Rei was video calling me while we watched it and he was almost in tears; you should have seen him."

Rin couldn't help a tiny smile. "So I pass the beauty test?"

"I guess." Makoto laughed. "Though I don't think that's the one Nagisa's interested in. He screamed at everyone for half an hour after the relay."

The smile froze on Rin's lips. It felt like that was what Makoto had wanted to talk about all along: Haruka and he kissing in front of the world, giving magazines and gossip programs something to talk about for weeks. Sponsors stopping wanting them because who in Japan would want to work with two–

"I bet it was more interesting than Rei's analysis of my fly," he snapped. "Apparently–"

A loud clank made Rin flinch when Haruka set a tray with cups, biscuits and a steaming teapot on the low table.

"Tea's ready," he announced.

Rin drank half his tea in silence, barely listening to the quiet conversation between Haruka and Makoto. They were talking about the kids Makoto was teaching to swim, thankfully; Rin was already tense enough just from glancing at the letter still on the table, ignored by everyone but him; the open envelope kept attracting his gaze like a magnet of sorts and he could almost see the question on top of it: _how many more?_

"What are you going to do now?"

Rin's head perked up at that. Next to him, Haruka shrugged.

"Swimming," he muttered, as if it were obvious. For him it was, anyway. Rin wondered how long it would take him to understand that keeping swimming would be nearly impossible if they lost their sponsors. If it affected his swimming, Haruka wouldn't keep acting as if it were no big deal, right?

"Yeah, that's easy to say," Rin couldn't keep himself from replying.

"Huh?"

Makoto seemed to recoil when Rin's glare fixed on him.

"Because everyone is like you and thinks a kiss is more interesting than four medals altogether," he spat, "and it doesn't matter what we do now, all they'll know us for is kissing at the damn Olympics."

"That's not true," Makoto immediately argued.

"Isn't it? Want to bet what everyone's talking about in the television?"

"It doesn't mean–"

"Why does it matter so much to you?" Haruka interjected. "If you want them to talk about your swimming, then swim and stop complaining."

Rin's cup of tea landed on the table with a loud noise. "What do you _think_ I've been doing for years? You not minding doesn't mean nobody does; it's only been a few days and they're already punishing us."

"Punishing?" Haruka's eyes narrowed.

"That letter," Rin declared, voice trembling as he pointed at the incriminating envelope, "says I've lost one sponsor. It's only a matter of time before the rest do the same, and yours too, and then–" His breath hitched.

Haruka raised an eyebrow.

"What? I've saved money."

Rin was a hair away from growling _that's not the point_ in Haruka's face, from shaking his shoulders in a desperate attempt to make him understand. He was barely aware Makoto was still there, gripping his cup tightly and trying to make himself as small as possible as he and Haruka glared at each other.

"Why do you care so little?" he almost yelled, helpless. He stood up, walked around the table and turned to face Haruka again.

"Why do you care so _much_?" Haruka replied. "I just kissed you."

"And you ruined everything." The words left Rin's mouth abruptly, spiteful, leaving a sour aftertaste. "It was too hard for you to keep still for five minutes until nobody could see, wasn't it?" He was no longer able to look at Haruka in the face. His widened eyes, his pale face– his hurt expression clawed at Rin's heart, making it bleed. "I've been training for that since I was a kid, but _of course_ you had to spoil it."

Haruka stood up too, arms shaking and hands closed into fists.

"Maybe I should leave…" Makoto suggested weakly. He winced when both Rin and Haruka glowered at him. "Uh– huh." He cleared his throat and brought the cup of tea to his mouth, even though Rin was almost sure he had already drunk it all.

He didn't dwell on it. Rin couldn't help a step back when angry blue fixed on him once again.

"You mind all those people more than what you want," Haruka accused.

Rin gritted his teeth.

"No, I mind my career more than what _you_ want."

He didn't wait for Haruka to reply. He was at the door of the apartment before hearing any sound, and he ignored his boyfriend when he called his name.

.

 _"_ _Hey," and Rin wouldn't blame Haruka for not understanding his words, "why are you crying?"_

 _The roaring crowd swallows the sound of Haruka's laughter, but Rin still sees it. The white of his teeth showing as his smile grows bigger, more tears down his cheeks when his eyes close. He lets go of Rin's finger, only to hold his whole hand a second later._

 _"_ _I don't know," he admits. Alarm bells ring somewhere in the back of Rin's mind; but he barely hears them. "Why are you?"_

.

Rin didn't make it very far.

He had wanted to go for a run, to exhaust himself until there wasn't an ounce of energy left in him. Until his brain short-circuited and he couldn't keep worrying about everything; but the guilt weighing him down stopped him a few blocks away from the apartment.

He couldn't shake Haruka's pained look off him. He couldn't ignore the words they had thrown at each other, couldn't forget the feeling of everything crumbling down around them since the day of the relay.

 _I hurt him_.

 _But he doesn't understand._

 _It's his fault–_

 _I shouldn't have said that. I hurt him._

 _It's just– I don't want–_

 _I want it to be like he says._

 _(But it's not.)_

It wasn't the first time Rin felt his thoughts were too loud, but the intensity of them made him stumble until his hand found a wooden fence to hold onto.

He supposed he was pale– no; Rin was sure his blood had not only left his face, but his whole body. Standing upright was too difficult, there was black in the corners of his vision and a bitter taste in his mouth that had nothing to do with the tea stirring in his stomach. Every beat was painful, his heart squeezing until its walls touched and Rin felt like throwing up.

Somewhere in the back of his cornered mind, Rin knew what was happening to him; but knowing didn't help, didn't make it any less terrifying.

He flinched when something brushed his leg; a girl that didn't look older than eight materialised by his side, eyes wide and curious… no– _worried_. Rin tried to swallow the lump in his throat, tried not to think about how that expression was painfully familiar.

He pursed his lips as he noticed there were more people in the street; and they probably recognised him. Even if his face weren't familiar to them, his hair was striking enough for them to remember him as one of the guys kissing after winning the men's medley relay at the Olympics.

Why had Rin thought going out would be a good idea? He couldn't get a grip of his thoughts and as more eyes fixed on him breathing became harder, as if they were using up all the air for themselves. Their gazes were just like the journalists' voices in television: accusing, hostile, forcing him to regret that kiss a week ago. The little girl grabbed her mother's skirt just as the woman sharply turned around, as if she didn't even want to have Rin in her field of vision.

Rin didn't want to see anyone else anymore, either.

He turned around, almost tripped in his hurry to get back to the apartment. He wanted to scream, to drown his mind; but the world was getting blurrier and he could barely see where he was going, leaving Rin alone with too many things he didn't want to deal with.

Who would care about what he wanted? No matter how much Rin wished Haruka's words were true; he couldn't change that people didn't like thinking about two men kissing, much less seeing it. The truth was they could break a thousand records and they'd still be remembered as the two guys giving an embarrassing show at the Olympics, even though nobody in Japan would dare say such things aloud.

 _Nobody would want faggots to work with them._

Rin's hand clutched at his chest. His ribcage felt heavy; he was taking air in short gulps, but it wasn't enough. His legs shook and he knew he wouldn't be able to get up if they gave out, would be falling forever, down, down, _down_ until he finally asphyxiated and maybe then his heart would stop pounding in his eardrums and he'd be remembered as the swimmer who drowned like his father instead of the guy kissing another guy–

"Rin!"

His hand slipped from the wall he was using to support as something surrounded his waist, and Rin was falling but he wasn't falling alone; he let out a cry when a sharp pain pierced through his knees as he instinctively leant his head on a shoulder, knowing whose it was before familiar fingers caressed his hair.

Rin allowed himself to revel for some seconds in that comforting warmth that smelt like home, most of his weight cradled by arms that once again refused to let go of him.

"I didn't…" he wheezed, fighting against his uncooperative lungs for air. "Before, I– Sorry…"

Haruka pulled back and stared into Rin's eyes. Shocked, scared. It hurt far worse than the girl's expression. "What's wrong?"

Rin buried his face in his boyfriend's shoulder again, afraid and confused but at least not alone anymore.

"It hurts– My chest."

"A doctor should see you, then."

Rin shook his head. "I don't… No." He grabbed the front of Haruka's t-shirt. "People are staring."

Haruka's arms tightened around him, with enough conviction to protect Rin from the world.

"They aren't."

It was probably a lie.

Rin didn't care.

.

 _Rin looks around, barely processing the implications in his boyfriend's words. He sees Natsuya and Ikuya yelling at each other to make themselves heard, sees journalists, sees cameras and coaches and the water in the pool reflecting the madness above the surface._

 _And he's happy._

.

Half an hour later, after two glasses of water, with Haruka's arms wrapped around him as they laid together on the bed, Rin felt the tiniest bit better.

Truth be told, Rin couldn't quite remember how they had gotten to the apartment. Haruka had waited some minutes before asking him if he would be able to stand and walk, but all Rin recalled from the way back home was staring at the ground as Haruka's hand tugged at his and not daring look around in case he found the accusatory glares again.

He stretched his arm to pet Mielga's head. The dog was sitting right next to the bed, her big, warm eyes fixed on Rin as if she, too, noticed something was not quite right. Rin frowned at his trembling hand; even though he could breathe properly now, his whole body was shaking as if he had a fever.

"Where's Makoto?" he asked, suddenly noticing their friend wasn't there. Now Rin thought about it, he hadn't seen Makoto since he stormed out the apartment.

"He left before I went to look for you."

Haruka didn't sound angry, exactly; but the complete lack of emotion in his voice set Rin off. He couldn't say he didn't know what had upset Haruka, though; guilt weighed on his stomach also for Makoto, who had never been other than completely supportive and understanding.

Rin would have to apologise to his friend; but that could wait. He drew back until he was kneeling before his boyfriend, winced at the sting in his scrapped knees.

"I'm sorry. For what I said earlier." He took air in; it was a shaky sound, like the rest of him. "I didn't mean it– Not that way… It's just–" Rin was babbling without getting anywhere, but it wasn't that what made tears well up in his eyes. "This. Not the sponsors' money… But nothing about this would be a big deal if either of us were a girl and I– I–"

It was a sob what cut Rin off at that point, tears spilling down his cheeks as Haruka sat up and reached for his face. Rin avoided his touch, though.

"Last week we won four medals and all everyone cares about is that we kissed," he whimpered.

Haruka looked down, intertwining his fingers on his lap.

"When I left earlier I got a call from a sponsor," he mumbled. "He said they're not 'interested in our kind'."

Rin could hear the quotation marks in his voice.

"And you still don't care."

Haruka's head snapped up, an angry glare pining Rin to the spot.

"I _care_ ," he replied. "He suggested they would reconsider their decision if I said that was an impulse and we're not…"

Haruka trailed off, but Rin didn't need the whole sentence to understand. And for a second he was more scared than he had been merely minutes ago, because even though he dreaded the situation they were in the option of breaking up with Haruka had never once crossed his mind.

"I hung up," Haruka concluded.

It was the same monotonous inflection Rin had heard thousands of times in his voice, the tone he used to say _I only swim free_ at least twice a day. Something obvious. Something not worthy of even the tiniest questioning.

It made Rin laugh, and he didn't mind he choked on a sob because he was still crying; perhaps stress and anxiety had finally driven him to madness, but those three words were, oddly enough, all he needed to hear. Even though not even himself had known until Haruka said them.

Rin wasn't alone.

"So? What do you suggest?" he asked, and this time he didn't recoil when Haruka brushed the tears off his cheeks.

Haruka frowned. "Swimming. It's what we do."

"And what about sponsors? I've saved too, but money isn't infinite, you know."

Something alarmingly akin to a pout made its way to Haruka's lips, eyebrows scrunching up together; for the first time Rin noticed his boyfriend wasn't just bothered by the sponsor's suggestion. Haruka was _fuming_.

It was strangely reassuring.

"A part-time job," Haruka said after a few seconds. "In college we weren't swimming all day."

Rin had his reservations about that idea, but for the moment being he only nodded, leant his forehead on Haruka's and stared into his eyes. Drowning didn't sound as scary as earlier when he lost himself to that blue. The angry frown slowly dissipated in a gentle expression as his nose gently brushed Rin's.

"Your chest?" Haruka softly questioned.

"Doesn't hurt anymore."

"You're shaking."

"I'm alright."

Haruka's breath brushed Rin's lips.

"Really?"

Rin closed his eyes, nodded and sighed when the kiss came.

.

 _"_ _We did it," Rin mumbles, looking back at Haruka. The alarm bells are louder and Rin doesn't think Haruka has heard him until he gives a little nod._

 _However, Rin has no idea what Haruka says next. His little mouth hangs open a little, his eyes shine as if asking for something; and Rin has no idea what it is, but he nods anyway, because right now he is willing to give the man before him everything._

 _More than usually._

.

They didn't leave the bed until the afternoon.

Rin was the first to get up from it, and it was only to retrieve his phone from his jeans when it started ringing. Haruka, who had been about to doze off before Rin's arm –and his particular pillow– disappeared from under his head, frowned at every move in the room until Rin read who was calling him and the faint blush on his cheeks vanished.

"It's another sponsor," Rin explained, sitting on the bed. Disentangling his limbs from the sheets, Haruka crawled to his side and sat next to him, silently taking his hand and playing with his fingers. "Uh… Hi?"

He found answering was easier if he looked at Haruka. He couldn't help his expression morphing into something different as he kept listening and replying with monosyllables.

"No. I mean, yes. Yes, I understand. Yes, I would… But what would..? Oh. Alright. I'll ask, yeah. Probably. Thank you. Likewise."

Part of Rin felt strangely light when he noticed the slight changes on his boyfriend's face, so subtle Rin would have missed most of them years ago.

"What did they want?" Haruka asked as soon as Rin hung up.

Rin felt his mouth dry. For once, though, it wasn't a bad feeling. "They want us to advertise their products together."

Haruka frowned. "Together..?"

Rin's face lit up.

"Yes. I mean, she– the woman who called explained they're interested in getting young people's attention, like teenagers and such, and also that it's important they know not being straight is fine because times change and all that, and apparently professional athletes are the best example… I think they just want more people to buy their things, but it's not exactly bad, is it?"

A smile made its way to Haruka's lips.

"No. It's great."

Rin grinned, pulled at the hand Haruka had intertwined with his to kiss him again. He didn't make an excessive effort to stop his hands from wandering down Haruka's back, at least until his boyfriend nudged at his waist with his knee. Rin pulled back, slightly confused.

"No?"

Haruka shook his head. "It's not that."

"Do you want to switch?"

"Not today." Haruka brushed a red lock behind Rin's ear, his smile growing wider. "I like looking at you when you're happy," he whispered, and through his own flush Rin could see in his eyes the knee-jerk reaction to turn his head away fighting to get over him. But Haruka kept looking at him even when his smile vanished. "Even though–" His teeth scrapped his lower lip. "I'm glad I didn't ruin everything."

Something cold fell inside Rin's stomach.

"Look, I know what I said, but– I'm a big mouth and you know I talk without thinking… But listen, you didn't ruin anything the other day," Rin muttered. "I was so happy to be there, and because you were there too–" He closed his eyes as he smiled, remembering the euphoria, the distorted world that didn't matter at their feet, the tears running down Haruka's cheeks and his pointless concern. "And no amount of nasty people will ever change that."

It took Haruka some seconds to speak again.

"That's good." He inched forward. "Because I was the happiest I've ever been, because it was with you."

When Haruka kissed him it felt like that moment over again; vehicles outside, voices of people walking down the street– even the helicopter flying somewhere above the building grew silent as their arms tangled around each other and Haruka laid on his back, bringing Rin down with him.

.

 _Haruka is trembling. Rin hardly notices he's shaking, himself; he doesn't know why, but when Haruka's hand reaches the back of his head and pulls him close it stops mattering. It's only the two of them, standing on top of the world, drowning in each other._

 _And right now there's nothing else Rin cares about._

* * *

 _Author's notes_ : In case anyone is curious, _Mielga_ is the common name in Spanish of _Squalus acanthias_. Yes, it's a shark.


End file.
